More and more often I see how much the people are lacking the solid inner self-confidence. It is practically a fact, that the self-confidence and self-evaluation of most people is not on the maximum of the healthy level.
This is how we grew up, how we socialised, how our habit system was created. In the given family, schools, social environments, in the given country, culture. If we look deeply inside of ourselves, we can all find the point, where it started, were it originates from. We can find those people, who had the biggest negative effect on us – because we allowed them so. Due to this, our self-confidence and self-evaluation kept on decreasing, up until it reached that critical low level, with which we couldn’t live this way anymore. If we are lucky, we have already reached this point and realised that we need to do something in order to make our graph increase.
What is the usual quick solution for the low self-whatever?
In the past weeks came to my mind the expression of ‘love-chocolates’. I believe it is a really nice metaphor to show what happens to those, who have no solid inner self-confidence, and – instead of the tiring, intensive inner work – try to compensate it from the outside.
They consume the ‘love-chocolates’. It can be a compliment to a new dress, an appreciative look from someone, a praise at the workplace, any positive feedback snatched / pocketed from others – an immediate experience of momentary pleasures.
They are like chocolates. You eat them, you can still feel their positive effect for a while, but then it is quickly gone. You can even forget that you ate some chocolates. With these ‘love-chocolates’ the problem is exactly the same.
When you get the very much desired – for example – compliment from others, it feels really good. It pushes your self-whatever up high. You are enjoying this feeling for a while. However, as quickly as it came, it will go away with the same pace. Your graph will fall down again and you are again where you started. In better cases.
In worse cases, it drags you even deeper compared to where you were before, because your soul knows it for a long time already, that this is not what you indeed need. And your soul suffers more and more after all the chocolates. But if you do not notice this and keep on chasing the chocolates, your soul will be destroyed.
The constant search for affirmation, the compulsion to comply, oppressing the environment to finally acknowledge you, are all signs that you have the Love-Chocolates Chasing Syndrome. LCCS – this is the name I give to it now; the abbreviations are very fashionable nowadays anyways.
What is especially scary in this whole thing is that these love-chocolates are like drugs. You need more and more, and their effect passes quicker and quicker.
As a result, you will always be at a lower and lower level on your own graph. You are not helping yourself with them, on the contrary! You are actually ruining yourself and your self-whatever.
What can you do if you feel that LCCS has become your companion?
Make yourself aware that this is a bad habit that needs to be changed and left behind. If you are aware of it, start to think about how you could improve and strengthen your own, inner self-confidence.
I would also recommend you getting the help of a professional helper, let it be a coach, psychologist, kinesiologist or anyone, really. Choose the method you feel can help you. What moves you forward, helps you to improve and to solve this inner issue. It is also not a bad idea to go to several professional helpers at the same time. As all of them can have a different point of view on the same thing. It is absolutely worth starting to solve the issues on various paths.
What is very important, is that if you have this method, start to use it!
This is where many people fail. They become aware, they also know what solution method they choose but implementation somehow lags behind.
Because I have a lot of work now, I will go for a trip now, I do not feel like it, actually this issue doesn’t even hurt me that much now. There is a lot more of these “good” reasons. Lot of people can be a pro in this. In finding excuses.
Do not look for excuses, look for solutions! Go to your chosen helper and attend regularly. As many other things, this is also not a switch, which we turn to the ON mode and tadaaa, I already have solid inner self-confidence. It would be so good.
Believe in that your work will bring you the desired result! Enjoy even the small steps forward and let them take you further on your way to the end result!
This is what I wish to all of us 🙂