It is very interesting that there are so many cases out there that a woman is behaving in a masculine way and the men are ‘cissy’. Or at least these women see them this way. In reality, however, the other pole of women becoming more manly is that men become more womanly eventually.
But Ladies, what do you expect?
You are independent, tough, fierce, focused on work. You can solve anything for yourselves, whatever is needed. You put together the IKEA wardrobe, drill in the wall for your pictures to be hung. Or maybe if you don’t do it with your own bare hands, you have the number of a handyman in your phones already for a long time, who can do all these instead of you. Instead of the Man. There is a person for everything, of course. You can create the comfortable, cozy life, your independence and you are proud of this. You should be, this is really a big work and achievement. No doubt.
Where is the place for the Man?
Even if there would be one, how could he contribute to your lives? How could he show, that he is the Man? This is not an easy question, right?
This is exactly why the Cissy is coming. First, you feel that this is exactly what a woman needs. An emotional man, with whom you can have a talk, who doesn’t want to rule you or push you down (as a manly Woman, that is your task, it is not to be taken away by anyone, come on). Then as the time passes, you realise that something is missing. You are missing the masculine energy. You feel that actually it would be great, if He could act as a man, would be goal oriented and it shouldn’t be only you taking the responsibility for everything. But wait, this is exactly what you wanted. You wanted someone emotional, attentive, cute. But eventually you don’t. Be careful what you wish for.
And then, you quit from this. You swear that you will not want this type, ever again. #thankyoubutnothankyou
Then the next one comes. The one, who is of course not the cissy type. He is a real Man! He has his own opinion! He plans, organises, drills, does handyman-work, decides, controls. This is what you like! Finally, the MAN! I feel the warmth in your heart, right now.
However, after not such a long time (or maybe after a long time, who knows) you realise, that something is just not quite right. It is somehow suffocating. It is like…. like not being free? As if the Man would be doing everything while ignoring you, not taking you into consideration – despite that maybe he even emphasises that he cares about you. He doesn’t care about your feelings, you can even be told ‘Don’t whine all the time!’ or ‘It is not right for you to feel what you feel, it is stupid!’. In such cases you can start to think, that… wait… maybe it is really not right from my end? Well, actually… He can be right…
Let’s just stop here for a second, please!
This Man is called the Ruler, the Autocrat.
He is the exact opposite of the Cissy.
But in order to avoid one extremity, jumping to the other is not a good choice in most cases, and definitely it is not a good choice now. Actually, it is exactly the same type of bad choice, just differently.
What is the solution then?
The golden middle way. I know, it is easy to say (actually, it is not even easy to say it, believe me).
What it is worth to think about in these cases: what are those parental relationship patterns that you grew up in? What is the pattern from your grandparents? Who is that man or woman in your family whose life you really do not want to follow, or whose you really want to?
And there is the issue to be solved. What have you brought from there, what effect it had on you then, what injuries you experienced since then and what package it all have become in your life now. This is your starter pack, congratulations! Now, the only thing you need to do is to open up the matrojska boxes, as each and every one of them will have some different prize for you. But before gaining the prize, you will have to work for it.
Therapy, blockage removals, anything and everything – whatever you feel that is your method and that is also effective.
When you will start to get rid of all these, then you will be relieved, then you will be able to breath again. There you will be really free.
As a woman, being a woman in a way that you masculine and feminine sides are in balance with each other. As both these sides have always been there and will always be there. You don’t have to get rid of any of them. You need to embrace and balance them.
Jin and Jang. ¤