When I first talked to Adam, the young gentleman in his mid-thirties, he mentioned that in his so-far relationships he was always the younger one. How is it to be in such a relationship from the man’s perspective? What can a younger man give to a woman and how does he see his role in their relation? Is it really the age that matters?
You can get the answers to these interesting questions, amongst many others, in the below interview.
How did it happen that in your relationships so far you were always the younger?
It is because I have always been in the company of people older than me. Even in my teenage years my friends and acquaintances were about ten years older than me. This is how it happened, that I managed to get on well with them easier than with people of my own age. My way of thinking was always closer to them.
Generally, what was the age difference in your relationships?
In an average it was 5 years, but it happened that only 2-3 and also once I was 11 years younger than my girlfriend.
As a man, what did you benefit from these relationships?
Actually, the main point was not that my girlfriend was older than me, but that I cannot really find the common ground with my age group.
I cannot really have a talk with them, many times they are superficial or they get stuck in a bubble where their focus is only their own selves.
Compared to this, when I was getting acquainted with older women, they already had more life experience and had a more mature way of thinking, I could have a deeper conversation with them.
In your opinion, why is it good for a woman to be in a relationship where the man is the younger?
In case the woman has already experienced some disappointment, this situation can help her a lot to believe that she is indeed beautiful, desired and good; it can help her get back her self-confidence. Also, maybe exactly a younger man notices those things, that a man at the same age as her would not appreciate.
A younger man can also affirm forgotten things and not being a child.
As far as I can see, it is not necessarily the age which determines how two people relate to each other and what they think about the world.
It can also happen, that even though someone is older, but they didn’t experience that much. On the other hand, a younger person might have already had to experience a lot in their life, had to grow up quicker, had to think more mature. This way, a younger person can be more grown-up than an older one.
How can you be a man in your relationship?
These things come instinctively for me. I believe it is important that a man compliments the woman, praises her, surprise her with small things – and not only in the beginning of the relationship, but continuously. The small attentiveness’s mean a lot and also to stand up for the woman, or for both of us if needed.
What did you find important when the relationships with your ex-girlfriends ended?
After all my break-ups I kept in touch with my exes, I talk to them up until the day of today. When a relationship ends, we must not forget that you were together with her for a reason. A break-up is usually painful, but you two were a couple before, you experienced things together and you could learn a lot from each other.
What did you learn from these relationships?
After the break-ups I have always had a period when I thought it through where the things went wrong. A big personal aha-moment and learning was for me for example, that I need to dare to express to my girlfriend if I don’t like something and not only holding it back all the time. Before that I didn’t express these things and it estranged us with my girlfriend at that time. Now I consciously pursue to avoid this mistake – with this my girlfriend helps a lot.
Your ex-girlfriends were all older than you, yet your girlfriend now is younger than you. How did it happen this way?
My girlfriend is a really good example for what I mentioned, that despite the age someone can indeed have a deep life experience. When I met her, I didn’t care about her age, I just simply liked the way she is. How determined she is, the way she thinks, how her attitude is towards the things in life. I found that personality in her which was attractive for me.
Can we say then that the age does not matter?
When we choose a partner, I found it very important not to choose by the age primarily. I find it a wrong approach that only a younger or an older partner can be the ideal one for someone. This is judging by the externalities.
What really important is the personality.
What is the most important for you in a relationship?
Being honest from the first moment and not being ashamed of things. If it doesn’t happen this way, after a while the skeletons will fall out of the wardrobe and then it will already be late to change. What I learned in my current relationship is not to be afraid of showing vulnerability and our mistakes. These are also us.
Having positive and negative things in our personalities is not age-dependent. The most important is to be clear about them.
If you are together with someone, you choose each other as partners, it is not a coincidence. Life doesn’t just happen to bring him/her to you at that moment, for that period. This is how you can help each other and improve both of you. And this does not depend on the age. ¤