‘Whatever I do, I cannot make my partner happy…’

Tough sentence. Difficult situation. And you are in it, day by day. You do everything, to see a smile on your partner’s face, to feel that they are satisfied. You invest extra energy in doing things that they expect, to behave the way they like it, to surround them or surprise them with things they like. You are screening with your entire being what they would need. They do not even have to say it out loud, as you know, feel, see, do it. Even beyond your own energy.

You live from the crumbles of happiness, that they throw at these times. When – even if for a really short time – you manage to bring some happiness to their life. because besides these moments, maybe you don’t really get much of it in your everyday life. Hence, you continuously trying to do the magic and bring more of it to your lives.

But my questions here is: where are you in this story? What do you (would you) need?

Can you even draw up what you would need for yourself? What are your needs? When was the last time you did something to satisfy your needs? When was the last time you did something for yourself only, for your own happiness? What are those things that recharge you? When was the last time you invested some time in yourself? How often do you have value-added me-time?

In such situations you can forget all these. The me-time and to care about yourself, to give something to yourself too. You want to make them happy so much, that you sacrifice everything and anything. Yourself as well. Then the sentence comes: ‘Whatever I do, I cannot make my partner happy…’

I have bad news; you will not be able to make them happy. Never.

Just saying. Because the happiness of your partner is not your obligation. Being nice to them, expressing your love towards them, this is your obligation. But it does not depend on you and on these actions whether they are going to be happy or not.

Everyone is responsible for their own happiness.

This is what many people forget. If someone is not happy on their own, if they don’t do anything for their own happiness but only wait for it from outside, it can become a very overwhelming vicious circle. For you, who would like to make them happy and also for them, who are waiting for it from you. this will not work. Ever.

For years, decades or even for a lifetime you can play this game. However, it is more advantageous if you recognise, that actually nothing ever changed. As the happiness coming from outside will eventually be gone. That is what I call the “love chocolates”. You have a bite, it is good, sweet, melts and it is gone. Then comes the craving for the next one. This is exactly the case with the happiness portion coming from outside. It is not built in; it is gone and craving comes. This is what can be devastating for both parties on the long run.

If you are in such a relationship, the best you can do is to direct back your focus on your own self.

Start to deal with you own necessities, do things that charge you and which are independent of them. If you focus on yourself you have the chance to get back your lost energy and also your inner, healthy, solid self-confidence can increase. Show them through your own good example how someone can take the responsibility of their own happiness. You cannot change them, you cannot make them happy, but showing a good example has a huge positive impact. This will have a good influence on them, even if not consciously.

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