Many people are looking for their partner, but they have difficulties finding them. In the today’s modern world there are many online opportunities for finding your partner. One of the most (in)famous of all is of course Tinder. I decided to do a little investigation work. I registered and looked around, what is the situation there. Now you can read the story of a one-night-stand – not with someone from Tinder, but with the Tinder itself 🙂
As a coach I get a deep insight in my clients’’ relationship issues or their issues of not having one. With all these experiences in my day to day life – with a coach’s eyes – it was really interesting to ‘play’ with this app.
There are people up there. Many of them. One group of audience of this app – and I guess the original one – includes those people who are only looking for something definitely not serious, shorter-term things. Well, if any of you want this, you will not be disappointed, there are opportunities. Lots of them. A part of these dear gentlemen actually writes down that they are in a relationship, they only want sex from here. I would have so-so many questions for them from coaching perspective, really…
If it is so bad at home, why don’t you work on that one to be better? Why are you escaping this way? Why are you looking for something extra elsewhere?
Or if you cannot work on the home situation any more, why don’t you dare to quit that one, start a self-awareness work and have something new with someone else? Why is it so good to live in a lie and faking it? I don’t get it. Or actually, I get it, this is my job to understand it, but still… Often the lukewarm water is more comfortable than taking the courage, facing that we are not perfect, seeing our faults and change ourselves.
But if you want to improve yourself, if you want to progress in your life, there is no other option.
Another category I ran into is when a couple looks for a third person for themselves.
Here at least you play with open cards, but I wonder what kinds of emotional injuries does this third person leaves the scene if this all happens? Because some emotional injuries are going to happen, I believe. On the other hand, what does this couple miss from their life, what they would like to fill in with this third person? This would also be worth a conversation.
I can say though, that not everything is lost. Surprisingly, I saw many gentlemen’s profile in the app, who are explicitly looking for serious relationships.
They also write the ‘no ONS’ code (no One Night Stand) in their profile. This is already quite a start. However, many of them after this continue with a long list of whatever else they do NOT want. All righty, we women, got it. These are what you don’t want. But do you know, what you actually want? It is easy to talk about the negative things, to write about them, but do you have concrete ideas about what you want? Dear Gentlemen, could you write a list of 42 things including the features of the ideal woman for you? No, 42 is not too much. This is a basic technique.
For me there is nothing sadder than having only those things in a profile, what the actual man does NOT want. It shows the injuries, negative experiences of his past, which he has not processed yet. He is still suffering in that experience, which was not good. Having this in mind, a woman’s decision – whether to swipe right or left – seems to be pretty obvious. But who wants what, of course…
I definitely would like to mention all those gentlemen as well, who seem to look for something serious and they also seem to be ready for it – at least based on their profiles. I was happy to see them as well. There are men out there who know what they want and maybe they are also ready for it. This is good news for all those women, who are looking for their partner – even through this app or elsewhere.