This whole year of 2020 is a challenge, regarding the normal lifestyle already. If we add to this, that someone would like to find their partner, we are not in an easy situation at all. This is the same in my case too. Now, that the world has closed up again – for the second time this year -, it requires a definite consideration how we can get to know people and meet them. However, I still believe that nothing is impossible.
What happened is that despite all restricting circumstances I went on a date the other evening. We started chatting with the gentleman that morning and he wanted to meet up that day right away. Last time when I had such a suddenly appearing dating partner, who wanted to meet right away, I ran into the extreme narcissistic guy – it came to my mind. But it was time to overwrite this experience and pattern, so I decided to go with the flow. But well, what and where and how? The usual “let’s have a coffee/drink/dinner somewhere” concept was not applicable, as everything was closed down. However, impossible is nothing, we just need to be creative! 🙂
I have many alternative options for what two people can do on such an evening of encounter, still keeping in mind the health and safety.
Having a walk on the river-side with a home-made tea sounds pretty good, right? On this date with the gentleman we went for a walk to the City Park in Budapest. As we were in a green area, we could also remove our masks, which is definitely a good thing if you meet someone for the first time and you want to see their face 😀
Meeting someone on the street in masks definitely has its challenges, if you would like to recognise each other. But we managed to solve this issue (red coat, white coat, I am walking towards you, I am standing here).
But then the next challenge came. In normal cases, you could greet the other person with a cheek kiss. But what happens in the time of Covid? We were also thinking about this ourselves, standing on the street, we were even a bit embarrassed about it, but eventually there were no cheek kisses. Anyways, it would have been pretty strange (and maybe reprehensible health-safety-wise..?) to do that in masks. Wouldn’t it?
We started our walk towards the park, where we could finally get rid of our masks, could see each other’s faces and could talk in a normal way. Of course, there was not a big crowd in the park on a weekday evening, therefore the tranquil surroundings were given for a good conversation. We were getting to know each other, talked about our jobs, previous travels around the world (yes, it did hurt us both that this year we couldn’t really go anywhere), we talked about anything that came to our minds. And in the meantime, we were walking in the calm park.
By the end of our walk a nice message found me, I had to take a photo of it:
There is still hope, Dóri! This was the message-thought when I saw this word. 🙂
At the end of this date, we both went home to our places. It was strange, because when saying good-bye, there was no conclusion or closure. Neither a yes, nor a no. In such situations as woman, I would expect the man to initiate. Not necessarily a continuation, but a closure of the first encounter would be nice. Hm, I thought it will be interesting, I will wait and see what happens. From my end, I felt that there was no chemistry between us unfortunately, no matter how nice and normal the guy was. But as I found him nice, I thought one more date wouldn’t hurt.
However, he didn’t think the same. Based on the signs, at least. As by the next morning, he mismatched me on the dating app.
Well, I totally understand that he also felt the lack of chemistry. But! Wouldn’t he be able to write this to the other person in this case? Again, this disappearing act instead of direct communication. Just like in case of the ‘floater’ guy…
Dear Gentleman! Why is it so hard to tell someone, for example: “Dear Dóri, thank you for the walk, but unfortunately I felt that there is no chemistry/I am looking for someone else so I would like to finish our dating at this point. I wish you good luck and a nice evening!” I swear, if I received such a message, I would completely understand. It happens that two people don’t match with each other. It is not the end of the world, I will not lean in my sword, I will not have to be mopped up from the floor. But this way, it would at least be a clear, honest message, in the right tone. Somehow many people lack this nowadays. Men and Women equally, to be fair.
That type of honest and direct communication is missing, with which they are not ramming the other one into the ground, emphasizing that “I was only honest”.
But when people can verbalise what is inside them – in a way, that they also consider the human being at the recipient end of the communication. I understand that this can be a challenge, I personally have been there myself. But with some practicing, you can get there, based on my own experiences. Even if you are searching for your partner or if you live in a relationship, please practice this and develop it as much as you can. Only this way we can be considerate of others, only this way we can verbally express that we respect each other. Despite all differences and disagreements.
Communication, mutual respect, empathy, directness – if these were pills, I would suggest to take 3X2 per day.
But as it is not possible to buy them in such an instant format anywhere, we are left with the option of practicing and doing our best in this respect.
Remember this, when next time you would like to disappear on someone or from a situation.
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